The basic position as set forth in the Bible is that God, our Creator instituted marriage as the precious relationship of a man and his wife. He created one wife for Adam, not several, indicated that they were "one flesh" (Genesis 2:23-24), and this for life. It was God's purpose for marriage to be a complete union of personalities, purposes and pursuits so that He called them by one name, Adam (Genesis 5:2). Departures from this divine law did not change it in God's sight, for He said, in the last book of the Old Testament, "I hate divorce" (Malachi 2:14-16). When He gave The Ten Commandments, He included two references to faithfulness in marriage, the prohibition of adultery and the coveting of another man's wife (Exodus 20:14; 20:17; Deuteronomy 5:18, 21). Later through Moses, God gave various rules concerning marriage and sexual relations. In Deuteronomy 24:1, He permitted divorce but did not prescribe it. Jesus made this abundantly clear in Matthew 19:3-9, answering the taunting questions of the Pharisees. After quoting Genesis 1:27 and 2:23-24, He said, "Because of your hardness of heart, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery" (Matthew 19:8-9). Then, only the men could divorce their wives, but today, in our culture, this would apply also in reverse, to the woman as well as to the man. God still requires complete obedience to His law. Anything less is sin, "For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." (James 2:10 KJV).
Now the born-again believer is "not under the law, but under grace," (Romans 6:14), that is, he is not seeking to obey the law for salvation, but is saved by grace through faith in Christ, who, as the apostle Paul says, "loved me and delivered Himself up for me" Galatians 2:20. Therefore the realization of this love, which was first (1 John 4:19), must result in loving Christ above all, and in the desire to keep His commandments. Jesus said, "He who has My commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves Me. . . " (John 14:21), and, "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments, and abide in His love. Since Jesus' attitude toward divorce is the same as that of His Father, God, He expects those who love Him to "walk according to his commandments" (2 John 1:6).
Yes, God will allow His children to disobey His commandments, but when we do, He disciplines us as an evidence of His love (Hebrews 12:4-13). His purpose is to conform us "to the image of His Son," (Romans 8:29), that is, to develop Christlikeness in us. There is a judgment awaiting believers when we meet with our Savior. It is not the judgment of our sin which was satisfied by Jesus Christ at Calvary when He said, "It is finished." But believers ". . . must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad" (2 Corinthians 5:10). This is a testing of the quality of a believer's works following salvation. For those that are good, he shall receive a reward, but for those that are bad he shall suffer loss; but he himself shall be saved, yet so as through fire (1 Corinthians 3:9-15). Thus, along with other sins done by a believer while in this life, divorce in violation of Jesus' teaching about it will result in loss in eternity.
It is impossible to deal with the present question in detail, but some principles that apply to marriage between believers are set forth, especially in 1 Corinthians Chapter 7: Please read the Scripture references.
1. Faithfulness of each to the other in view of the dangers of immoral influences, vv.1-2; Matthew 5:28.
2. Mutual care for each other's physical needs, vv. 3-5; 1 Peter 3:7.
3. Preservation of the original marriage promises, v. 10; Genesis 2:25
4. No remarriage in case of separation, v. 11. The possibility of reconciliation is present as long as the one who breaks the relationship, by divorce, etc., remains unmarried. It is adultery for the other to remarry during this time and it ends any further possibility of reconciliation. While it is hard for one who has been deserted in this way in view of children and the home, lonliness, material values, etc., God understands and sympathizes with the one going through the trials of this life (Hebrews 4:14-16). He has promised sufficient grace for every need (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
5. A believer should only marry another believer (v.39). But in the case where one becomes a believer after marriage, and the other does not, the marriage is still valid, and it is important to maintain it if at all possible vv. 12-16.
6. Since divorce involves court action, the question is raised regarding lawsuits between believers. A principle set forth in 1 Corinthians 6:5-7 would apply here. The offended party, by appearing in opposition before unbelieving judges would bring reproach upon Christ. The ministry of a biblical local church should provide teaching, counsel and discipline which, in many cases would avert divorce and assist in reconciliation.
May our Heavenly Father give you much wisdom, courage and love as you face the problems in your marriage.